Insomnia rage post 1

There are these moments when I am so inexpressibly tired.. Have an early morning the next day.. And yet.. I cannot sleep. The insomnia is too much. It needs to stop. All these whirling thoughts need a home. One to rest in. I think that at one time I was a lot more articulate than I am now.. But, we shall see how this all goes. My facination with chalk boards and education actually contribute to my whole philosophy of education. You see. I believe as people we ought to see the makeup of who we are as a chalk board. A blank slate. We are marked by our experiences and the people in our lives. World events, passionate reactions to situations. People we have watched being hurt--by our own betraying hands and by others. But what do you do when a previous belief that was written on the chalk board has been carefully and suddenly at he same time erased. 2"when you had such convictions on an issue but it has trend it's head in your mind. Completely. And when you realized some pretty triggering Truths about yourself and about how you interact in the world. Who you view as safe and what utterly terrifis you. When your realize that life is shit sometimes and that's ok. When you know that you're a little messed and your life is a bit messy. When your desire to be a perfect grow up is thrown: and you realize just how much you've failed at bein an adult. Some people have children at my age. I don't understand why it's so impossible for me to continue. I suppose I knew this was all coming though. Don't you usually in the back of your mind?