The Sun -- Aidan Knight

The wind in my ear
I pedal and push
Riding my bicycle

The clouds are too much
I found the brakes
Light came down as I rode away

Tied up my ties
Tried to look my very best
Wind off an arm, arms
Crossed on my chest

Just what I feared
A knife or a crutch
Caught in the spokes and
Got me all cut up

This song. For me it represents me running. fleeing. getting away, quickly. But then, being pursued by 'the sun' or the Son. and returning. 

The Fierce Shepherdess (a children's story)

Sometimes I feel like I really understand people who do things just to forget. Forget what life is and focus on something else for a while, rather than your own problems. I guess that's what therapy kind of means. Except, therapy implies healing. Forgetting or repressing something is not always a good thing.

I lost myself. I lost myself and I didn't realize that I had. Not until good friends pointed it out to me. I'm sure I subconsciously realized it. I was scared to be an aspect of myself so I ran from it. I ran from myself. How could I do that? How could it take this long to bring me back?

Mental health is such a key part of my calling. I missed it. It wasn't until class today that I realized what I had been missing, who I am called to help and support. How I can be a support and that my role, what ever it may be or look like is important. I must be a fierce advocate for justice, for reconciliation, for love.

How does a shepherd take care of her sheep? What can I do to help those around me? What humble attitude can I adopt that will bring health, nourishment, protection and care to those around me? How can I protect people? I can pray, a must in every situation.

I will be a passionate human being. I will not be apathetic, overwhelmed by my own problems, selfishly absorbed in the muck surrounding me. I will be passion filled, a fierce advocate for God's will.

Justice

"Righteous people are usually either ignored or admired; seldom are they persecuted. The people who pursue justice are the ones who get under people's skin and are persecuted"
- Wolterstorff, 2006

What is the use of pursuing righteousness? Is it all for selfish gain? is it so that other people look up to me and think oh wow! that girl is such a righteous person. I have been trying to pursue righteousness for years now, how have I been so off the mark? Reflecting, I don't think so, it is what you do with the righteousness. Justice is something that I should be pursuing alongside of righteousness. Not a retributive type of kick-you-in-the-teeth type justice, but a pursuit of fairness, a primary justice. If done correctly, this can turn into a righteous justice.

Now. How is it that I do this? How do I pursue justice? This is something that I must think on. How this looks for my life. What implications does this have for my art work? My actions? My thoughts of others?

Ube: a passion.

A few years ago if you would have asked me what I was passionate about, I would have come up with some answer. It probably would have been something generic and made up on the spot, me scrounging my brain, trying desperately to come up with a passion that wouldn't be a total lie, like.. people! I'm passionate about people. (I have definitely used that one before.)

Now I find myself constantly looking,almost searching for a passion. What can be the thing that defines me, I wonder? I'm pretty passionate about Ube ice cream, but is that something that should define me? Purple yam ice cream that is the most deliciously creamy ice cream I have ever tasted? It could... but I would rather that it didn't. Sometimes I worry that my past mistakes might define me, and I would really rather that that didn't happen.

So. what is my passion?
Well.. here it is. I'll start with what I know defines me.
I am a loved child of God. I am reminded of the song Obsession, there is a line that goes: "and my heart burns for you". Thats what passion is, a burning desire in your heart for something. It is my sincere desire that my passion will become spreading God's love around the world. Some how telling each person I encounter that they are loved, are cherished by God. That even if they feel hopeless, there is hope, there is love and there is good.

So. what does that mean?
I need to get to know God a little better. I mean, if I'm passionate for God's love, that also means that God is my passion. In the same way I am passionate for the taste of ube ice cream, my passion translates into a passion for ube. So getting to know God means spending time talking to him, well.. listening to him would be the best way to get to know him. Reading the word he sent to others who were pursuing him. Listening to others talk about him around me who are also in pursuit of God. Spending time in His creation, his expression of utmost artistic wonder.

ok. enough self talk and written processing of 4 years.

My identity relies upon my passions. I choose to be passionate about Christ. I am a loved and cherished child of God and nothing can separate me from His love.

R

What might have been lost.

Someday my pain
Will mark you
Harness your blame
And walk through

With the wild wolves around you
In the morning, I'll call you
Send it farther on

Solace my game, 
It stars you
Swing wide your crane,
And run me through

And the story's all over you
In the morning i'll call you
Can't you find a clue when your eyes are all painted Sinatra blue

What might have been lost -
Don't bother me

When my world is shaking

JJ Heller. never met the girl, but I am in love with her lyrics.
Here is just one meagre sample of her wonderful work:
Your Hands-- JJ Heller
I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands 


These simple lines touch so deeply. Sometimes I feel all alone with my problems. Its not true. I have somebody who is beside me all the time. He will never leave me stranded out alone in the dark. God has me in his hands. He loves us. I want to encourage you as you read this. That you have worth, you are loved and you are valued. Perhaps you don't feel loved or worthy of life, but you are. The quirks that make you you are unique to you. Everybody has things about themselves that they don't like. Everybody has things in their lives that they wish they wouldn't have to deal with. Its part of being human. If things have become too overwhelming, reach out to somebody around you, gather a support system around you and rely on them. 


There is my random advice. I don't claim to be an expert. I just know the life I live.